We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
