I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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