a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
