Just fell off a train. Bad.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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