I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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