when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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