i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
