so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
