In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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