i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
