It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
