This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
