I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
