this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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