It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
