If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
