I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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