Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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