My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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