My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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