walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
