I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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