just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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