I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
