He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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