wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
