I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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