I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
