i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
