Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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