Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
