Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
