A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
