he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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