Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
