his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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