i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
