Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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