just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
