I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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