dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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