you guys were way drunker than both of me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
