She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
