just survived the first fart of the relationship.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
