Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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