I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
