so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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