I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
