I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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