This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize