he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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