I am spending my child support on dildos
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
