Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
