I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
