You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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