I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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