the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
