I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize