Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
