you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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