Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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